I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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