i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
