That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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