She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize