the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
is it fun? or sober?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
