Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize