Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
