someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
