so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
