i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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