I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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