I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
