i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
