I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
