I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
