where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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