Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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