thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
