Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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