I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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