It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
