who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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