defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
