oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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