I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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