Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
