Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am spending my child support on dildos
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
