He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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