Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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