Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
