Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
