I saw his package. It spoke to me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
