i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
