girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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