the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
