I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
