The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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