I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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