So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
