"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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