Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We left the knife in your bed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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