Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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