Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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