I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
