why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
