I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
