and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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