saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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