Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
