The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
