I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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