apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
