you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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