I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
