sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We are all done wearing pants today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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