There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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