she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
