then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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