I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
