i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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