I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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