Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
