ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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