i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
