He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
