sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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