I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
