this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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