does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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