its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
