Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
