highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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