I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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