Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
